These past few months I’ve gotten to become obsessed with music.
I play when I’m angry. I play when I’m sad. I play when I’m happy. It’s what I do. It gives me a way to project my emotions without harming myself or others.
So here’s a quick composition I made up yesterday. Thought of it while doing chemistry homework and then spent about an hour working on it.
(if anyone’s still following!)
So I had to take a bit of a break (sorry!). School got extremely hectic (thank you biology lab) and I really needed to put a lot of focus there. I mean, I LOVE my school and I’m learning tons in all my classes, its just a lot of work!
So what else have I been up to?
Massive piano compositions and playing A few paintings. Fun stuff.
Oh and I got cleared for my concussion. YAY!!!! That is officially over. On the side note, There’s a high chance I get ankle replacement surgery this summer on both ankles, so boo. My right ankle’s been injured for a long time… from gymnastics. They want to tighten my anterior talofibular ligament? Left ankle? Oh boy. That’s torn through entirely. Literally 4 days after getting cleared for my concussion I landed a round off very wrong (doing lead ups for video below. No that is not me).
Basically landed on the side of my foot turned supinated in, cracked it, and rebounded up. Sounds great? Felt great too. It really hasn’t gotten any better in these 9 weeks either and MRI shows a complete tear. So yay.
If anyone has ankle surgery stories… please share! Im terrified of surgery!!!
So thats a few things in a nutshell. Better post later! I’ll leave you with a fun little messing around on the piano. Its based on Greenday’s Boulevard of Broken Dreams. I can play the whole song, but I was having fun with chords and whatever here. Improving and making up as I go along. So its not perfect in any way necessary. If anyone’s wondering I’m playing in E and A minor.
“Attract the man of your dreams!”
“Take this quiz to find out if he’s more than a friend!”
“Top 10 sex tips to make him really fall for you!”
“Friend or Boyfriend?”
These are all typical headlines found in any magazine.
Why is our society so focused on “love”? Go to the relationship or sexuality or astrology section of any bookstore and you’ll find a plethora of books simply dedicated to finding your true love. From the Dating Bible to Astrological Matchups, a book about love will be there. Is it really the case that love leads to happiness? I always thought it was happiness that lead to love.
So why is this a huge market? Why is our society so focused on finding their dream guy or girl? Is dating really so hard that you have to be “taught” how to date? Isn’t it just best to be yourself around someone you like? Because what happens when you pretend to be someone else and that person falls in love with you… are you really going to keep pretending to be someone you’re not? What happens when you can’t be this pretend person anymore?
Valentines was a week ago. And yet the whole Valentines day “Find out what the opposite sex REALLY wants and thinks” campaign is still going on and strong. Actually, that campaign sticks around the whole year… its just more prominent this time of year.
Maybe I’m completely off on this. Maybe I actually won’t find true happiness until I’m actually in a relationship with someone. Maybe I’m doing everything wrong. Maybe instead of smiling and being myself I need to practice the bedroom eye glance so I can attract the affection of the man of my dreams.
Or maybe, just maybe, there’s a sliver of truth in this. Maybe there is something wrong with our idea of love.
These Days-Rascal Flats
I admit, it doesn’t take a lot to make me cry (verbally/mentally). Physically? I’ll take a lot of pain before the teardrops come down.
So how do I deal? I’m weird. I usually shut up. Actually, I always shut up. And then go dance, paint or play music.
Or I shut up. Go over to a friends and watch a movie. Not even talking to them, but just having someone else in the room helps.
What’s the point of this post? I’m not sure. Too much crying in the past few days- just really frustrated with my injury.
Question: How does everyone else deal with when everything isn’t going 100%?
But instead I want to write about this:
This came up on my Facebook News Feed.
Most of the time, I support what NEDA has to do (I mean, I volunteer for them!). Most of the time, I think NEDA’s on the right track.
Can’t say that’s the case here.
Should images (so basically every. single. photo. in any magazine, CD cover, movie, or any mixed media image really) have disclaimers that they’ve been altered? Yes, it’s definitely alarming that children are believing that the images are actually 100% real, but is putting a label on everything really going to help that?
I don’t think so.
The multimedia industry exists solely on the premise to make something look better than it actually is; to alter the image. Putting a label puts a bad name to the alterations (“Oh BTW these alterations are fake but you’ll look at them anyway and think how ugly you are in comparison to these altered images”). It’s as if what these people are doing- creating art- is bad. It puts a bad taste in their line of work. I respect what they do- because it takes a lot of talent to create a successful photo for a magazine, and I think its distasteful for our society to bring a bad name to their line of work.
That’s not to say that children, and even adults, believing the photos are 100% real and unedited isn’t an issue. It is. But maybe the solution to this problem isn’t bashing the multimedia industry, but to place more emphasis on what healthy really is. I just know it doesn’t lie within labeling every published image.
Its been just a little while since I posted, right?
A few things have gone down. A few computer issues (thankfully resolved!) and some stress with school… The concussion (which I still have) has affected my schoolwork more than I wanted, so I’m dropping out of one of my classes (Calculus) for a piano class… I took piano lessons for seven years, kinda stopped playing for two years and then started up again last summer. I’m not happy about having to drop calculus, but I’d rather take it in the summer and get a better grade than struggle with it now. In general I’ve been super busy (and tired!) leaving zero time for blogging, art or anything really.
But I got this done today.
“I wanna go all the way/Takin’ out my Freak tonight/I wanna show all the dirt I got/Runin’ through my mind”
Gotta love Britney Spears. I’ve had this song stuck in my head for way the past few days… Thus it ended up on canvas.
Given its Britney, it probably is meant to have some sexual meaning. Taking out my Freak? All the dirt I got running through my mind? Definitely some sexual connotation there.
Flashing police officers and then making out with them is totally normal. Not.
Which is kinda weird given I put up this canvas in my room today.
Because it matches my room and I connect to it 100%.
(That’s right. I just said I relate to a BRITNEY song).
Let me explain:
- My passion lies within diving, dancing and gymnastics. Especially with dancing, I’m able to express my emotions. Dancing’s one of my coping methods for stress and frustration.
- I like to go out dancing with friends once a week. It’s what I do for fun.
- I also kinda care about school. Maybe I’m weird, but I actually don’t mind algebra, calculus, statistics (I actually LOVE statistics!), and chemistry. Bio and physics are just okay.
- I’m not able to do any of the above to my full potential in any of the above. Thank you concussion for keeping me from doing what I love. Still not allowed to really do much physical activity… I’m not supposed to go out for a tumbling session or dance for an hour or so.
So yeah, more than anything right now I just want to go out and have some fun- dance, dive, tumble, whatever- get my freak on and just get all this dirt and frustration on my mind off.
That’s not so dirty now, is it?
(Copied and pasted from what’s on my facebook!)
(Long story short, writing isn’t my strongest point right now, so apologies in advance if parts don’t make sense. I’m sorry! I’ll go back later and edit this for grammar errors, but I really wanted to type this out now!)
I didn’t think it would happen to me. I think even the year before I asked my Dad what Anorexia was. I knew sometimes people would intentionally starve themselves because they thought they were too fat, but I didn’t that was anorexia. Even more I didn’t think I would be one of those people for almost five years.
But it was me. I knew something was wrong. I knew it wasn’t normal for 13 year old girls to know the calories of everything. I knew it wasn’t normal for 14 year old girls to measure out and count every calorie that went into their mouth. I knew it wasn’t normal for 15 year old girls to cry themselves to sleep. I knew it wasn’t normal for 16 year old girls to make sure she got x minutes of exercise every day. I knew it wasn’t normal for 17 year old girls to know the measure every part of her body every morning.
I had anorexia nervosa. I was dying. I didn’t want it to be like that… but I didn’t know how to otherwise deal with everything that was going on in my life. My eating disorder provided what I considered a “safe” realm. But it wasn’t safe, it was actually hurting me. And I needed to get help. Reaching out for help was one of the hardest decisions I’ve ever made. But it was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.
I admited that I had a problem. I admited that some treatment might be necessary. I got help. I got better. Even before deciding to recover, I told myself that one day I would be able to help people in similar situations to me. I didn’t exactly know how I would get from anorexic to recovered anorexic, and a lot of times I couldn’t even imagine what life would be like without an eating disorder. I just didn’t (and still don’t) want people to face the disorder I battled.
The time’s come that I’m ready to help and the National Eating Disorder Association (NEDA) has offered a way for me and others to do just that. I’m a NEDA Navigator, which basically means I can communicate to others that reach out for help (not just people suffering either!! We also talk to family and friends of someone with an eating disorder and can provide resources on how to deal with their loved one’s Eating Disorder!!). In addition, I also do community outreach, which is what I’m doing right now! Basically it means I get to raise awareness about eating disorders, offer resources for treatment (Like our NEDA Navigator program!) and other fun stuff that might come up.
This is pretty much my dream volunteer work (That’s right, all of us Navigators are volunteer’s! We do this because we genuinely care about helping others. Did you know that every Navigator has had experience with an eating disorder? Whether it be personally battling and defeating one or watching a loved one battle one, we all have seen its destructive nature and want to make a difference!). I’m so excited to be given this opportunity to give back to an organization that means so much to me. I’ll get to work with emails that NEDA gives me, but I’m also available to talk to anyone through my Navigator email.
As a Navigator, I’m not a treatment provider, meaning I’m not qualified to provide any counseling or therapy. However, I do have access to pretty cool resources sheets and basically every eating disorder fact or statistic available and can provide information on how to get to a treatment providor, how to deal with insurance, how to deal with other people, how to handle your best friend/son/daughter/sister/brother/uncle/aunt/anyone other loved one’s eating disorder and other cool stuff.
Please feel free to email me if you ever have any questions about eating disorders or give this email to someone else who might find it useful. I’ll be doing some other community outreach to other places in Thousand Oaks (and I guess Texas when I’m back over the summer!) but I figured this couldn’t be a bad starting point.
My Navigator Email! firstname.lastname@example.org
-Juliet C. (aka Jules. Juliet just happens to be my real name!)
With the exception for the last post I did like, 2 hours ago, I haven’t been on for awhile.
So what’s up?
I have a bit of a concussion. I’m alive and all and not dying.
But concussions apparently have consequences, like reading words and speaking words and writing words for a long time doesn’t work out so well.
I’m okay with abstract work (painting, music- just not reading it in little print- and I’m still cool/cleared to coach gym) but I’m a little bit of embarassed by my writing right now. I know its not great but its hard to explain… I know something’s wrong and I have a vague idea of which words are wrong (or I just can’t think of the word) but fixing it isn’t working out so well. It’s weird. It’s like a mind block times a million that results in a headache if I keep trying to type or speak or read for a long time.
So thats whats up. Posts/commenting (and honestly, reading. Sorry.) haven’t been so much lately since it’s not 100% easy.
Guess who’s gonna be a NEDA Navigator?
I’m so excited to give back to the organization that helped me so much. Even yesterday, I was reading over our manual during lunch and stopped for a second. I realized that I was eating a burger (beef) and ice cream with a spoon. Beef and spoons were huge fears of mine. Rational? Absolutely not. But the fact it took me a second to realize that what I was eating used to be so feared just shows how far I’ve come.
So yay for another NEDA Navigator in the SoCal area!!
Also putting up a painting I did awhile ago… I have one in the works and just finished a version of Boulevard of Broken Dreams (on the piano). When I figure out how to post music I’ll put that up or just video/youtube link it. Also in the works? Version of Defying Gravity (Love this song wayyyyyy too much!)